So I'm meant to be continuing on the Mr Sporty saga but seeing as very few people probably read this blog right now I don't think anyone will mind waiting.
I should be marketing the bejesus out of this thing but I'm still kind of slowly plodding along and I'm finding it hard to get everything done in the day even when I have oodles of time to spare.
So I fancied talking about masturbation today instead.
Masturbation...what a mouthful - what other words can we find for it and with regards to a woman?
Google will provide you with many such as:
flickin' the bean
a night in with the girls
clam bake for one
tickling the taco
petting the pussy
flit your clit
And trust me there are many more I just enjoyed these ones in particular.
Unlike some girls who discovered the joys of this fun activity by accident (shower head anyone?!) I read about it in detail at the age of fourteen when I stole one of my father's sex books How to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed by Graham Masterton and Liz Coldwell.
I remember locking my door and lying on my cabin bed to read the whole book - and boy was it insightful. It suggested ideas to me that I had never before imagined and provided me with lessons on what definitely NOT to do (science test tubes and champagne bottles are a bad idea ladies...think about it).
I felt rather guilty exploring myself afterwards. I vaguely recall using a makeup mirror to see down there and the first time half-way through I just felt too shameful and stopped. What if someone knocked on the door?!
Slowly I came round to the idea and I'll admit even took advantage of my nearby flute stand to aid me in the process! I remember asking my girlfriends about whether they did it one New Year and everyone just looked at me blankly, some mortified and all were quick to say 'no.'
Only when more booze had been drunk did a few approach me secretly and begrudgingly admit their secrets. Why were we all so ashamed?
Compared to boys who will happily declare it and boast, girls tend to be more shy and coy about it. Why is this? (some research needs to be done here I think...)
So anyway, throughout my life masturbation has been okay and at times it has served a purpose when I've been feeling frustrated but I have shied away from it somewhat. The only time I ever bought a vibrator was when I was in a serious relationship and we wanted to spice things up. Now the thing lies dormant and decaying in an old suitcase under heaps of clothes. It was one of those rampant bunny ones except now the rotary mechanism has given up the ghost. I should seriously consider investing in a new one.
But it is funny...vibrators. I remember my friend who had TONS of them taking to hiding them in the boot of her car for fear her parents would find them, only to one day absent minded-ly give her father the keys to go fetch something out of it.
Did he see ALL of them? She panicked
Good God, I hope not! Who knows what he would think!
And I remember my mother stumbling across my sister's vibrator in the garage as we sorted things out for a car boot sale.
'Could we sell this?' she asked.
I looked at her wide-eyed in disbelief.
'Yes but ----- said she's never used it.'
'She was lying.'
'No, we cannot sell it at the car boot fair.'
You have to laugh. But these days I'm more happy to talk about the topic and maybe it is because I am single, maybe it is because I'm in my sexual prime or maybe it is because I'm more relaxed and content with my body but I'm definitely doing it more.
The blog Sexual Feelings provides great material for the job too and so handy with smart phones. When I have a spare ten minutes or so and I have nothing better to do - why not? I might not be getting all the sex I desire but I can certainly still have the orgasms I want.
So at 30, I'd say I've had a new lease of life when it comes to flickin' the clit. I wonder if I am alone in this process or if there are other women out there experiencing similar things? Hey, I might go away and find out for you and come back with a follow up....
(Though feel free to leave comments and help me out too!)